Why is love so harsh?

So, I have finished reading The Silver Linings Playbook. I have mixed feelings about this Christmas gift. I went from loving it, to hating it, to enduring it, to loving it, to wanting to see the film ... to wanting to put seeing the film off.

The book is about Pat Peoples. A man suffering from severe mental health problems. He hates Kenny G, wants to end "apart-time" with his wife Nikki, and is stalked by probably his only friend ... Tiffany. Then we have his mom who loves him to a fault, but heck, let's face it ... she's miserable because her husband is almost always a mean-spirited jackass, and he's even worse when the Eagles lose a game. The first part of the book focuses on Pat trying to better himself as a man to end "apart-time" with his estranged wife Nikki, whom everyone in his family hates ... no, despises, and who he needs so badly. The part of the book that bored me to tears is Pat's adjustment to life outside the "Bad Place," or the mental hospital where he spent years of his life that he no longer remembers. His life is consumed by the Eagles football team, and his happiness is affected by whether or not they win. Then we see Tiffany, another mentally challenged (woman) who you can figure out from the first few pages is in love with Pat.

I don't want to give away the book, but let me say that overall I enjoyed it. I enjoyed it as much as someone enjoys the feeling of love, and then realizes that when love is taken away it feels like a rock at the pit of your stomach that keeps slamming into your insides, and it hurts so bad, but it's that dull pain you can't seem to get rid of, and so all you can do is cry, and be hateful toward others.

Yeah, depressing, isn't it? That's this novel. The whole time, Pat Peoples is just looking to reconcile with his wife, the woman who he wants to treat better, love better, who he wants to impress by bettering himself, but guess what? That woman, that mean, abandoning woman ... she doesn't love him. And she never will. As the reader, you can guess that from the moment the book starts. Pat views his life as a movie, and hey ... all movies have to have happy endings, right? Wrong. He's so pathetically, yet romantically, yet incessantly obsessed with getting this woman back, that the rest of the world stops to make it happen, but yes, we as pessimistic readers, we know ... hey buddy ... it's never going to happen.

This book has themes of life and fairy-tale endings, of reality, of pessimism vs. optimism  of knowing that to live is just to move on. At one point, Pat writes to God that it's so great he sent Jesus down here to teach us about miracles, "because the possibility of miracles happening keeps a lot of people moving forward down here." Then on Christmas, what shattered his hopes of a happy-ending, really allowed him to experience a new kind of miracle he didn't know he wanted. But hey, according to his friend Danny "Miracles happen on Christmas, Pat. Everyone knows that shit."

Life is funny. What Pat Peoples thought he wanted, was not what he needed. Who he needed was the crazy-ass woman across the street who through her own incredibly messed up ways, tried to end the move going on in Pat's head ... she tried to let him know that there was a silver lining to his life ... but it couldn't be reached until he let go of that pit in his stomach that represented a past love. A love that no longer wanted him.

Love is harsh. Life is harsh. The people that love us often don't understand us, but they stick by us anyway. But really ... to be happy, to embrace the "silver linings" in life, we must move on and recognize that maybe the best thing we have is loving that one person who is just as crazy as us, and needs us just as badly as we need them. Read it, and let me know if you agree.



Love doesn't hurt. It gives us scars that we have to forget in order to move on and try all over again.

Don't You Just Hate It

Yesterday was our teacher in-service day. Honestly it wasn't so bad ... the morning program was pretty great (it was for the entire district - about 5,000 teachers or so). I had lunch with some people from work at a Chinese Buffet ... and hey, I love Chinese food so that's pretty great, right? The afternoon was decent, and then ... THEN ... today happened.

Today was a rough day to say the least. Our in-service was all about positivity, but I struggled today to embrace that message. I think we all deserve days to be like "AHHHH! Why?!?!," but then I soon realized I have many things to be thankful for so I should probably shut up and accept that things can't always go the way you want them to, even if you work hard for them. I'm sure you get my meaning? You know, when you work really hard for something and then POOF ... you realize you're going to have to work a whole heck of a lot harder, and convince some people to jump on board, in order to reach your goals. That's life. Sometimes your best isn't quite good enough. You've gotta take risks and so on so forth.

Whoo ... glad I got that rant over with. Now on to the books. Don't you just hate it when you start reading a book, you get about a chapter or so in, and you're really, really into it. And then you think ... oh, I might have some time to read it at work tomorrow, so why don't I just take it along with me. And then not only do you NOT have any time to read it, but you also forget it when you're getting ready to leave???

That's right. My book, The Silver Linings Playbook, of which I'm about exactly one chapter into, is now sitting on my desk at my elementary school. So ... as I'm ready for bed, and I reach over to my desk ... there is no book there for me to read. Poop balls. Balls of poop. That's what I say. Time to take some ZZZ Quil and try to get some sleep. Hopefully tomorrow I will NOT forget my book and I can update you on how awesome it is.

That being said, goodnight all! Try to stay positive, even when your day falls apart and all thoughts of positivity fail. I know you're all probably a lot more talented at that than I am (I'm Ms. Negative). Keep reading, keep dreaming, keep working hard. Someday it's all gotta pay off for us, right???

Kansas City Vacation

Scott and I dropped off our beloved puppy Ike at our friend's house early Friday morning. Saying goodbye to our puppy who likes to pee on everything was hard for us, but turns out he had a great time snuggling with some new buddies and playing with two new dog friends (as well as fighting for the rights to the arm chair).

I was very happy at work knowing that in a few hours we'd be ready to get on the road and had to Kansas City to see family. Scott's parents and his sister, Emily, drove down to meet us and had already been there a few hours when we arrived around 9pm. It was exciting to see the really great hotel room suite that Jody (Scott's mom) booked us. It had two bedrooms and a pull-out couch bed. Emily was nice enough to let Scott and I take the other bedroom. The bedroom we had was super nice ... it had a headboard attached to the wall of dark wood that was built into the wall, or part of the wall (however you'd like to put it), and on each side were two lamps that had their own power buttons. I, for one, was very excited to have my own personal headboard lamp. On Scott's side there was a nightstand and my side was a pretty table with the alarm clock and some fake flowers in a nice vase. We had our own dresser, TV, our own sick and bathroom. It was really, very nice. The suite had its own kitchen as well, which was stocked with some drinks for us to enjoy. We spent Friday night watching the movie Fierce Creatures on HBO. We had never seen it before, but it was absolutely hilarious (starring Jamie Lee Curtis and the rest of the cast of A Fish Called Wanda). I would recommend it! We enjoyed the hot tub and pool all throughout the weekend as well.

As we retired to the comfortable bed, I fell asleep relaxed for the first time in a long time. The next morning we enjoyed the free breakfast, enjoyed the hot tub (Jody and Emily joined us after working out), and got ready for the day. Scott and I had every intention of working out, but alas it did not happen. We did, however, decide that going to the Sea Life Aquarium would be our best choice for the day's activity. Although we had to wait outside in line for about 40 minutes in the cold ... it was COMPLETELY worth the wait! I felt like a kid again, I was so excited. The aquarium was truly amazing. We got to touch some sea creatures, we stood underneath tanks filled with sharks and colorful fish, a newly rescued sea turtle, and brilliantly large sting rays. We saw strange creatures, an octopus, eels, and more rays. Sea horses entertained us, and overall we all enjoyed the tour through the aquarium greatly. Afterward we explored the nearby mall. Scott and I purchased nice and large red wine glasses at a cooking store that were 70% off. We got them for about $2.75 a piece. Score!

Then we went and found this hat store. In case you do not know ... I LOVE hats. I adore them. Ever since I was a little kid, I have held this vast fascination for hats. You know what I'm taking about, the fancy hats. The big, floppy, decorative hats. And there was this store that was completely and utterly dedicated to hats, and I was absolutely and utterly dedicated to purchasing one of these said hats. I really wanted this red one I saw with a big black bow around it. However ... we walked into the store with enthusiasm (since we had found it, and everyone in our group knew I wanted one), and the moment we stepped foot on to the ugly blue carpet, a lady behind the carpet screeches out in an extremely rude and somewhat offensive tone "Excuse me! We have a policy, please read it!" or something along those lines. Well we stepped back, and I was pretty taken aback as I have never been treated like that in a store before, and Scott made some comment about "how does this policy even apply to us?" and Jody remarked that after being treated so rudely we didn't want to give her our business anyway. So we walked off, all in a little bit of shock at someone treated customers like that.

Evil Hat Place

Well, I didn't get my hat, but that lady did NOT deserve my business, as Scott's mother had pointed out. We didn't let that ruin our day though, as we set off to find some delicious barbecue. We found one store that seemed promising (it was featured in a tourist map), but looked more like a Jimmy John's than the authentic barbecue we were looking for. We left the store somewhat abruptly  and Scott found us another restaurant that looked like it was more what we wanted. Hence we soon found ourselves at Jack Stack Barbecue. Holy cow. We arrived around 4pm and it was packed. We got in surprisingly fast though ... they said it was a ten to fifteen minutes wait and we got in in like two. We were seated fast, and our waiter was more than helpful; he was pushy with his suggestions. It turns out that his suggestions were spot on. There was enough food on that table to feed an army. Scott and I, as well as his parents, had the same idea and ordered the Crown Rib Special (or platter?) that was meant to be split between two people, and came with three gigantic  , dinosaur-sized, beef ribs, and three large sides. Scott and I ordered hickory smoked baked beans, creamy coleslaw, and a cheesy potato bake with au gratin potatoes, cheese, garlic, and whatever else was put in to that dish to make it mouth-watering-ly delicious. We originally wanted potato salad, but our pushy waiter pushed the potato bake, and it was well worth it. We brought home the mammoth-sized bones for Ike (and our dog's babysitter's dogs) for treats.

We spent the rest of the night relaxing, watching TV, going to the pool, drinking, and enjoying each other's company. We made a pit-stop at DSW, and I bought three pairs of new shoes for about $85, and Scott also purchased new work shoes, new socks, and a new brown belt. Emily bought shoes as well. Emily helped me scope out a new pair of running shoes that I will eventually be buying. They were extremely comfortable, and hopefully their price tag will give some motivation to actually use them.

Jody let us pick out some yarn, and made Emily and I new scarves. I love my first one immensely, and she's making me another one.

To be completely honest, I was really sad to see Scott's family leave. I'm glad we have our puppy back, and it's nice to be home, but let's be honest ... I could have prolonged that vacation for at least a few more days. I miss his family already, but I'm looking forward to seeing my parents in March. Hopefully Jody will post some pictures on facebook and I can re-post them here.

Book Update: I've been reading more of the Southern Vampire Mysteries (about two more books since my last post), and even though Scott makes fun of me, they're getting good!!!! Again, super-simple reads, but really enjoyable. They're picking up the pace and dropping major plot twists and turns. I can't wait for the fifth season of True Blood to come out in May. After this book in the series though (Definitely Dead), I'm going to jump in to The Silver Linings Playbook. I should be done with the Vampire book by tonight, and then I'll dig into the novel that's currently a big hit in theaters. I'm hoping to see the film soon, but the book will keep me entertained until then. I'll be writing again soon. Thanks for reading!!!

<3 Britt

Back to Vampires, Favorite Books, Being Sick

So I'm sick today. Apparently my kids aren't acting on their best behavior, and that means they'll be greeted tomorrow with a not so happy Ms. Juntunen. Since I'm sick I'm working on catching up on grading, lesson-planning, and trying to sleep (even though my apartment decided today is the day they're going to lay down new asphalt, so that noise is fun). Ike is happy I'm home, and he took his meds today like a champ ... I still contend that he's the one who got me sick. Since I finished The Casual Vacancy, I'm going back to read the fifth book in the Southern Vampire Mysteries series.

Dead as a Doornail is the book I'm reading, where Sookie Stackhouse is reeling from the last book where she unintentionally fell in love with the vampire, Eric. The catch is Eric had had his memory erased by a clan of witches. So at the end of the book when he regained his memory - he lost all memories that he had created with Sookie. Furthermore, her brother has become a "werepanther" meaning at the full moon he changes into a panther. Ridiculous? Yes. Entertaining? Hell yebs. These books are only about 300 pages each, and so they're a fast read. Between each "big" book I'm reading, I try to sneak one of these vampire mysteries in to feed myself some brain candy. The Casual Vacancy was a lot to process and so it's nice to read a book that's purely meant to make you smile. The plot is moving faster in this one than the other one, so that's also a plus.

I also thought I'd mention some of my favorite books if you're looking for some good reads:

Bastard Out of Carolina by Dorothy Allison - amazing book! It's gritty, and unnerving, and frustrating. It's too "real" for me to handle at times, as it focuses on a little girl whose mother continuously fights to prove that she's not a bastard ... unfortunately her mother must also choose between a man she loves and the daughter who he beats.


Separate Beds by LaVyrle Spencer - this book is tormenting in its ability to make you both feel for the main female character, and at the same time want to slap her in the head. Growing up in a unhealthy and abusive environment, Catherine is distrusting of men. However, when she finds herself pregnant with a wealthy young law student's child, her world turns upside down, and is it possible that two people who were never in love to begin with, can fall into love against both their better judgments?

And then there is my Sloppy Firsts series. I love these books as they follow the life of Jessica Darling. From high school student to college graduate we follow her life in her journals where she falls in love with a boy, misses her best friend, falls apart and picks herself back up again. These books are funny, witty, and even though they're books that focus on "growing up," any adult (female adult) can relate to them. These New York Times Bestselling novels are truly remarkable. I highly recommend them, just think of it this way ... I've loved these books since I was 11 years old when the first book was released, and I cherished them when I was 19 when the last book came out. And I've re-read them about 15-20 times. They've accompanied me on many different trips, and sit in a special place in my apartment now.

The Casual Vacancy

Yesterday I finished The Casual Vacancy, by J.K. Rowling. Once you get past the bombardment of characters whose lives hit you almost like bugs on a windshield while you're driving a fast car, you start to care about their lives and even find yourself sympathetic and rooting for the "wrong" people. I often would find myself hating a person when seen through another character's perspective, but then you hear their side of the story, and you're confused all over again. Who really is the bad guy?

This story describes a town that literally erupts into chaos, backstabbing, and paranoia when Barry Fairbrother dies. It seems that this man that we hardly met was truly the cornerstone of Pagford, a little English town. Whether or not people liked him, they respected him as a true adversary, a true friend, or even   somewhat of a savior. The funny thing is ... the Fairbrother family is hardly mentioned at all. They seem to retreat from the Pagford around them.

The plot centers around Barry's open seat on the Parish Council. Politics in a small town might be even crazier than politics in big-time government. With everyone trying to win Barry's seat ... the fate of the Fields (the "bad" part of town) hangs in the balance, as well as the local methadone clinic, without which one major character's mother would fall back into using heroin ... and thus lose her children.

Another plot-line is teenagers vs. teenagers vs. parents. Often these kids do not understand the repercussions that inevitably come after their foolhardy actions, and in some cases this kids lose not only their friends, but also manage to lose a part of themselves to the little town. They also ruin their parents lives. Spouses also start to distrust each other, and soon the whole town's secrets are spilled on a web page. And some of these secrets are truly disturbing.

Is this book worth reading? Absolutely yes. It takes a few seconds to get past some of Rowling's pretentiousness with her big words and twisted/complicated plot lines weaving in and out of each other, but yes ... this book will make you find yourself rooting for the underdogs, and despising those who try for "authenticity." The real authentic people are those who don't pretend to be good, upstanding citizens, but those who accept themselves for what they are, and then have to suffer through the consequences. Those are the people who deserve your sympathy. When all your secrets are laid bare ... how do you handle the looks, the judgment, and the past? The moral of this story, is get over yourself and maybe you can make a real difference in someone's life ... or in the small town that you love (or hate).

Once again, for many Barry Fairbrother was the glue that held the town together and now the town is going down in flames. Read the book to watch the destruction.