ThE fAuLt In OuR sTaRs

In college I hated/despised/sort of looked forward to the always inevitable assignment in each theater class that would require us to pay money to go to see a show in the city and then write a review on it. I hated and despised it because sometimes it just wasn't a show I wanted to see. Although to counter that hatred ... I have to admit that even the shows I wasn't necessarily looking forward to always brought me some sort of joy in the end. I despised these assignments because it required me to spend money I didn't have to see a show I might not like or didn't desire to see in the first place. Finally, I kind of looked forward to these shows because any time you get to see theater is a blessing and some folks aren't so lucky to be exposed to the arts or have access to great artistry. 

The reason I bring this up is because my college professors (whom I remember fondly ... or not so fondly ...) always told us to take notes during the show so we wouldn't forget any important details (which I never did) and then to write the review the moment we got home so it would be fresh in our minds (which I never did). To review something immediately after seeing it or reading it is to have your feelings and reactions fresh in your mind to be transported through your body, out your fingers, and onto the page for someone to read and judge or converse with you on. Here's what happened with the bestselling young adult novel The Fault in Our Stars by John Green. This 2012 novel has been a hit since it came out and has been recommended to me by many people. I've put off reading it.

Let's face it ... who really wants to read a novel about a kid with cancer unless you want to cry (I mean c'mon, we can all guess how this is probably going to end, right???); I mean who wants to read a book that you just KNOW will probably make tears run down your face in rapid succession??? It's like the people who purposely seek out ridiculous movies that they know will end in someone dying (e.g. The Notebook, Steel Magnolias, A Walk to Remember, The Last Song, Moulin Rouge, Titanic, Forrest Gump, Love Story, etc.). Wait a minute ... let's look at those movies. Isn't it true that sometimes the best love stories are the ones that end in death? Well guess what, we can add The Fault in Our Stars to this list. Oh don't be surprised, you know someone is going to die in it the moment that someone who recommends it to you goes "Oh my God, you're so gonna cry at the end!" ..... FYI let's just remark upon that fact that Nicholas Sparks novels also usually end in someone dying. 

Okay my movie example tangent is done, but let's return to this all-star novel. I'm going to be honest with you, I was excited to read it, but when I started reading it I hated it. It reminded me of some of my favorite books and TV shows from when I was a "kid," for example, the Sloppy Firsts series, Dawson's Creek, The Princess Diaries, etc. It's about a group of kids who think they're too smart to relate to the people around them, and who also think that they've experienced too much in their probably too short lives to handle. The only difference between this kids and the Dawson's Creek characters, or Jessica Darling and Marcus Flutie from Sloppy Firsts, is that these kids in this book have cancer. These children and even their parents come off as somewhat pretentious and witty, but it's all understandable, right? I can't even begin to imagine what it would be like to be an adult with cancer, but to be a kid? Dealing with puberty, school, parents, zits, boyfriends/girlfriends, cars, etc. .... oh and cancer. No. I get it. It didn't change the fact that for me I wanted to tell our main character, Hazel Grace, to cool the pessimism. Is that fair of me? No, but here's my reasoning. 

I do not have cancer, nor have I ever had cancer. However, I am one of the most bitter, pessimistic jerk-offs in the world, and yes there are moments where I find my quick and witty retorts quite clever. I have had things in my life go terribly wrong and yes, I've experienced some painful stuff. When I let my negativity infect the environment around me, and I blamed it on my past, one thing I hated is when people said "well at least you're not dealing with ________," or "someone might have it worse _________." I wanted to tell them the quote that "saying someone can't be sad because someone else may have it worse is just like saying someone can't be happy because someone else may have it better." We can't judge others' pains by our own. Here's my point with this. I am not comparing myself to the main character Hazel Grace or her friends, but I am saying that I wanted to reach out to this young girl and say "yes your life is hard, I get it ... I'm not going to tell you it could be worse, but I will say don't let it turn you into an asshole." So back to the point ... I started off not liking the book. Being smart with your retorts doesn't lighten up your crappy attitude. AND if you are likely to have a short-lived life ... why live it so angrily? But again ... what do I know? 

This book is about a girl and a boy. It's a love story. Based on my given examples above we can assume someones gonna die, right? Right. Here's the catch. Hazel Grace has terminal thyroid cancer and her lungs are shot, so she has to walk around attached to an oxygen tank. That sucks. Her mother forces her to get out of the house and go to a support group (that I would probably hate just as much as Hazel does ... stupid cheesy bastards trying to make it all okay), but anyway, at this support group one day Hazel meets a boy named Augustus Waters. Here I had my dislike of the book grow. Could we pick more pretentious names? AUGUST WATERS? AUGUSTUS. Have you ever met anyone named Augustus in your whole entire life? Well I haven't. Anyways, here's the thing. The character's got a special name because he turns out to be an incredibly special guy. His cancer left him an amputee without a leg. He and Hazel form a bond that can only be described as one that is just as unique as they are, and stronger than most real-life relationships I've seen. 

Hazel turns out to remind me again a lot of myself. She'd rather stay in the house with her horrible TV-addicted affliction and watch consecutive reruns of Top Chef or America's Next Top Model. Me too lady! And as previously mentioned she has an air of "I take quite a lot of pride in not knowing what's cool." So as the book progresses her bitterness stops rubbing me the wrong way, and I start to really like her teenage, cancer-ridden, angsty little self. As much as I hate to admit this, I also feel tremendous amounts of pity for her; I thank my lucky stars I don't have to lug around an oxygen tank with me and I can indeed breathe in with healthy full lungs. Does it make me a bad person? Perhaps. However, as she gets to know Augustus Waters I feel myself envious of this slow-burning young life developing between two young kids - star-crossed lovers. Hence the title enters in ... "the fault in our stars." Again ... we know that someone is going to die, and Hazel is positive that she's a grenade that will ruin the lives of anyone who comes to close to her, including Augustus and her parents. I understand her isolation, I feel for her sadness, and god damn it I wish she just didn't have to deal with all the crap. She is all too aware of the side-effects of death and dying; something that young people shouldn't even fathom. Her stars doomed her from the start, but it made her a heck of a person with a broad understanding of living life and how to live it or hide from it. She grows in this book tremendously and you can't help but come to love her journey from angry little hermit crab to the young woman filled with love and passion that she becomes. 

I hope this makes sense. When I get passionate about literature or film I tend to rant. I am ranting, but I am passionate about this book I hated initially and then came to adore. Hazel is not just a angst-ridden teenage cancer inflicted girl. I learned that she was kind and addicted to the same TV shows I like. She contemplates why eggs are considered strictly breakfast foods. She comforts her friends who slowly lose themselves to the diseases that take over their bodies. She falls in love. She remarks upon "cancer perks" and goes to Amsterdam with a boy who just like her is incredibly poetic and who thinks too much. Her story is beautifully tragic. They constantly discuss a world in which they'll never live in and lament over things they might never experience. 

In Amsterdam the two (plus Hazel's mother) prepare to meet the author of a book they both love. This was Augustus' wish (a cancer perk). As they drive into town their cab driver informs them that "Some tourists think Amsterdam is a city of sin, but in truth it is a city of freedom. And in freedom, most people find sin." 

As Hazel gets ready to go out to eat with Augustus, her mom pushes her into a sundress and remarks upon how their dinner together will be romantic. Hazel remarks that "One might marvel at the insanity of the situation: A mother send her sixteen-year-old daughter alone with a seventeen-year-old boy out into a foreign city famous for its permissiveness. But this, too, was a side effect of dying: I could not run or dance or eat foods rich in nitrogen, but in the city of freedom, I was among the most liberated of its residents." 

At their dinner the two drink champagne - it is compared to bottled stars. 

I hated this book because I hated Hazel. I hated the negativity I saw inside her and I was so tempted to say "Could it be worse?!" I swallowed it down. I didn't want her to have the negativity I carry with myself. I wanted her to not get bogged down in the shitty-ness of her situation, but I learned throughout her journey that she has every right to feel the pain of her wounds. Hazel fell in love; slowly she learned that isn't a grenade and that she is not going to destroy people who get close to her. She will make their lives richer even if they can only have her for a short period of time. On her last day in Amsterdam she leaves us with wisdom: "You have a choice in this world, I believe, about how to tell sad stories, and we made the funny choice ..." 

Hazel leaves her negativity and recluse living for a life of love, heartbreak, hard lessons, and bottled stars. Eventually her stars dictate that tragedy take over, but she still endures and teaches lessons to those around her including me. As Stephen King said, "You want to remember that while you're judging the book, the book is judging you." Yes, I ended up crying my eyes out alone in my bed by the end of the book, and I realized that I was quick to judge someone who had every right to express her pain in a negative way. She didn't need me to save her, instead she allowed me to go on a journey with her filled with the inevitable end always in mind, but with laughter and love throughout. Give this book a read. You'll quickly want to drink bottled stars with Hazel Grace and the ridiculously named Augustus Waters. They remind us that everything is going to be "okay."